In this powerful continuation of her conversation with Lindsay Abernathy, Dr. Amelia Kelley dives deeper into the journey of rebuilding trust in yourself after toxic relationships. Lindsay shares raw and relatable insights on how to recognize red and green flags in dating, why "butterflies" aren’t always a good sign, and the importance of boundaries in protecting your well-being. They explore how unhealed wounds make us vulnerable to manipulation, how intuition speaks through the body, and why cultivating self-love and independence is the foundation of healthier relationships. Lindsay also opens up about her personal experiences with abusive relationships, dating apps, and how she ultimately found a supportive, equal partnership by doing the work of healing herself first. Whether you’re healing from heartbreak, navigating the dating world, or wanting to strengthen your self-trust, this conversation is filled with wisdom, humor, and encouragement.
Key Takeaways
Resources & Support Mentioned
**Amelia:** [00:00:00] I am like super stoked you're back because our last conversation was supposed to be this conversation and then it became a totally other conversation because you're just so open and honest and I really appreciated that.
**Amelia:** I feel like people probably walked away, being able to really reflect on their own relationships a bit more and have, have a touch point to kind of compare with.
**Amelia:** And I just, your authenticity is awesome,
**Lindsay:** Oh, awesome. Thanks. That means so much. I try to be as raw and real as I can be
**Amelia:** We've accomplished it.
**Lindsay:** Sometimes I'm like, did I say too much?
**Amelia:** No, no, I don't think so. But one thing I was hoping to do that we could chat with everyone listening to today is, okay, so now that they've come to realize this how do we move forward and feel like we can trust ourselves when. Choosing love again, or even just choosing to love ourself again with the little kind of, I [00:01:00] guess, bridge or teaser that I feel like blame is the bridge. Kind of who's to blame? Do I blame myself? Do I blame them? Who's blaming me? Like I feel like that plays a big role in what people, what blocks people
**Amelia:** from moving on.
**Lindsay:** yeah, I would agree to that as well,
**Amelia:** Mm-hmm.
**Lindsay:** because you sit in a cycle of the ruminating. And wondering what you did wrong or what you could have done better or how, and remember, you spent a lot of your relationship with somebody who constantly gaslit you, made you question your decisions, made you, you know, go against your own gut feelings.
**Lindsay:** So I think it takes a little while, or let me rephrase, a long while to trust your gut. Again, trust your instincts. Trust yourself and realize that, I always say I wasn't an equal participant in the, you know, abuse that [00:02:00] was in any relationship. But what I will take accountability for is that I hadn't healed properly from a prior relationship going into this new relationship.
**Lindsay:** So I think that I was somewhat of a sitting duck. I feel like I was ultra vulnerable, super easy to manipulate, and then I was. Pretty low self-esteem wise. I, you know, I was a single mom and wow, this is, this person's interested in me, and so this must be so amazing. And that but again, when you share those vulnerabilities, they come back at you at times like, well, this is you're so lucky I'm with you because you're a single mom with two kids.
**Lindsay:** So those thoughts would be in my head. But going back to what I don't think I had done was I didn't do the proper healing I needed to do. Leaving my first relationship
**Lindsay:** and really understanding myself and really feeling, you know, secure in my, space and with myself. So, coming out of this, you know, the last [00:03:00] abusive relationship, I think what I learned when that I can look back really easily and say, I can pinpoint the moments.
**Lindsay:** Yep. Here I was. I was just right for the taking. I ate up every single word. I ate up all the breadcrumbs. And I mistake it all for giant feast. And now I can sit and say, you know, I don't need to be completed by somebody in order to be a bad, I don't need to be in a relationship with someone to justify my worth.
**Lindsay:** I don't need to have a partner. I don't need to have I, I just need to have me and I need to be the best version of myself, for myself, and I need to show up that way. Every relationship and every time. So
**Lindsay:** I think, excuse me, what I always bring it back to like my idea of like romantic love and I always sort of believed like I so desperately, I came from a family that was divorced.
**Lindsay:** I idolized my friends' families that were married and weren't living through divorce. And [00:04:00] then here I was, oh God, here I have kids. I'm repeating the same patterns. I'm divorced, I'm now again. And so I carried a lot of shame and I think I was just pretty eager to find the partner that could make. Could, could complete me and make my family complete.
**Lindsay:** And that's not reality. 'cause I made a, didn't make a great choice obviously. But what I think I know now is that I would much rather be alone or be on my own than to ever bend or change or be somebody I'm not for somebody else.
**Amelia:** this is actually bringing up something that I'm really almost confused or curious about. I think because anyone listening who's been listening to the series that you are now part of, I had checked in with you that I had a um, pretty contrasting conversation with someone about this topic and the idea around blame came up in relation to. [00:05:00] Unhealthy abusive relationships and something that stuck out to me from that conversation that was, I heard it and it made sense. And then it also was honestly disturbing and scary to hear was the way that the other person sees the sitting duck. And what I mean by that is this, the other person, at least this was the reference from episode that just came before yours that they felt like there was part of them that needed to heal the other person, and then that fed them some kind of sense of. Worth or healing by healing the other person. So it's like this idea that, and the word healing can be really misconstrued and manipulated because when we hear healing, it's oh, this person wants to help me. They wanna make me a better person. They wanna show me their ways, they wanna, you know, all the things that really are kind of like [00:06:00] criticisms under the radar. And then when. Their version of helping you or healing you or guiding you or loving you doesn't go exactly how they envision. It hurts and it creates rupture and fissure and trauma bonding. And that person said something about the perfect victim, which makes me think of how you're saying the sitting duck.
**Lindsay:** Mm-hmm.
**Amelia:** So listening to it being intellectualized on the other end was a lot
**Lindsay:** Yeah, that's pretty heavy.
**Amelia:** it is.
**Lindsay:** I do think that that person, I mean, I'm like, I don't wanna date them, that's for sure. I, I I think that that's a very,
**Amelia:** I think it's very common. That's why I, I left it, that's why I left it in the show.
**Lindsay:** Yes. [00:07:00] So I think that that was a very similar situation that I experienced. And then I believe that this is absolutely an experience that I know that other people have described being in. And you just, you're, when I say the sitting duck, it's like I'm just sitting there and I just envision myself and these soggy breadcrumbs are being thrown in my face and I'm like eating them all up.
**Lindsay:** Oh, this is perfect. And you know, I'm just like, thank God someone's here to feed me and take care of me and solve my problems for me and fix me. But what happens is, just like you were mentioning, that is a pretty narcissistic, like trait, A grandiose like, I'm gonna fix you. I'm gonna heal you.
**Lindsay:** I can solve your problems. It's me when healing is like our own independent journey and it's up to us and. I'm like, so I can see this person now. At the beginning you sort of see Prince Charming, someone sweeping you off your feet. I'm gonna solve all your problems. I'm gonna be here to fix everything, but if you don't repair in the way that I envision [00:08:00] and you don't fall in line to, you know how I want you to be, then next course I can see the blow up.
**Lindsay:** Of course, I can see somebody being so, you know, upset that you healed beyond their wildest dreams, or you grew in a way that they weren't anticipating or planning for. And then you, as the person who's done the healing is sitting back completely confused, going well, what the hell? I like, why are you mad?
**Lindsay:** Why are you upset with me? Why do you now hate me back to that devalue valuation? They're now devaluing you because you basically didn't do what they wanted you to do. They want you to be like the puppet, and they're the puppet master. They want you to do exactly what they want, when they want it. But that's not real.
**Lindsay:** You can't make somebody like we're humans, you know, we're not programmable.
**Lindsay:** So the perfect victim, typically the, at least the people that we talk to on our show are [00:09:00] usually coming from some sort of trauma. They're usually coming from some unhealed parent wound. They're usually coming from some sort of, you know, situation where they're not sitting in their power and they're easily manipulated.
**Amelia:** Mm-hmm.
**Lindsay:** And if then as we've said, like the power and control happens so quickly, the charming happens so quickly, the inventory intake is happening so quickly that you know, by the time you realize what's gone on, you are in love or love bombed and trauma bonded by that, you know, love bombing, and it's really hard to get out of it.
**Lindsay:** And then you're constantly. Now apologizing for the person you've become and you're constantly trying to morph and change into whatever person they want you to be. And mind you, that person that they want you to be is gonna change every moment you have. That's kind of the game they're going to, they want you to do this.
**Lindsay:** And then once you do that, then they're like, oh, they push the goalpost, push the goalpost. And so [00:10:00] you're constantly chasing some sort of, you know, fantasy that they have in their head, and you're never gonna be good enough.
**Amelia:** And I think if I consider our idea of how do we equip people listening with, okay, what do I do? I almost wanna throw like a, a white flag. I don't know.
**Amelia:** Not a white flag, a green flag. A white flags
**Lindsay:** I'm like out.
**Amelia:** truth, again, leave me alone. No, but like a green flag would be you know, being in, I've been in my relationship for a very long time and we've gone through lots of. Lots of trials and tribulations and life and all the things, and there's these moments in, I think, a long-term non-abusive relationship where you're going to have to grieve your partner as life continues to change and evolve, and the partner you thought you had is no longer the partner that you chose.
**Amelia:** And it's just, things change. And I don't mean this in a, in an unhealthy way, but in a evolutionary way. And if the person you're with is so [00:11:00] stuck on you staying. Exactly as you were packaged before you were a mom, before you were a college grad, before you lost your parents, before you, whatever your life situation is. That to me, the green flag is that they might be uncomfortable with your change and there might be some struggles that happen, but it's not, at a deep, critical level of like who you are as a person. It's just like, oh, this is hard. We need to deal with this. Versus the red flag would be, oh no, you don't get to evolve, you don't get to change.
**Amelia:** This is not the prepackaged this is not the toy I bought,
**Amelia:** basically.
**Lindsay:** I was just about to say they only think of you as a thing and as an object. So you are the thing in the box that they wanna keep on the shelf and
**Lindsay:** you're the collector item. They don't wanna take you out and be played with and changed and.
**Lindsay:** Every doll I ever had, I cut their hair. I'm like, no. It's, it's [00:12:00] very true in a healthy relationship.
**Lindsay:** It is. It's been said that you're going to, you're going to
**Lindsay:** be married to a different person as you evolve, and thank God, I mean, you want somebody in a healthy relationship to grow and change and their interests, you know, stay, you stay together, you stay aligned in certain ways, but you're, you're looking at your partner being their hype person.
**Lindsay:** Like hell yeah. You've just look at you, you've changed, you have so much and then, you know, now you know you're having a, a lull or a bad decade or whatever it is. Like things are di difficult. It doesn't mean that they're defective, but the pathological abusive person they. I say this, it's rules for the not for me.
**Lindsay:** So that means they can do the changing, they can do this work, they can go on, they can do all of the things and evolve and grow in whatever capacity or change jobs or move this or, or their opinions change. And you have to stay [00:13:00] there saying like it's supporting it. But if the other person wants and grows naturally and evolves, wants to change the job was a stay at home mom now wants to go to work, was this, now that that person, the pathological person is I think pissed and I think that they're, because they can't remember, they just want control of you.
**Lindsay:** If they, if you're growing in a direction that they hadn't pre-planned,
**Lindsay:** how do they adopt and adapt and change their control over you? They can't. They see you. That growth is a scary thing for people that wanna control you. So they would, which I mean, I think if we're real, it's really hard for a person that's in an abusive relationship to grow.
**Lindsay:** Because you are in that silo. You are, you know, seeing the world only through the eyes and the lens that they want you to see it. So I think, and then growth is very manipulative. I remember very vividly dressing a certain [00:14:00] way and then it just sort of like dropping hints that they didn't particularly like, like the way I dressed or now that I'm this or I'm in this stage of my life, I should.
**Lindsay:** And so that we shopping was like, we always went shopping together and I thought it was romantic and cute. And now I'm like, that's fucking not okay. And it, like everything, I looked very different. I looked, I be, I went from, excuse me, the person that I am and how I feel comfortable, like fine to grow, and evolve your style or whatever.
**Lindsay:** But like it went from one way that I really enjoy dressing to like very conservative. And then there was like, friends will even tell me they're like. Man freaking talking to you during COVID and you were drinking the Kool-Aid. Like it was really difficult to have a conversation with you 'cause you were just, and I wa I found myself going, wow.
**Lindsay:** Well I didn't really spend any time with anybody else, so I was just truly drinking the Kool-Aid of what they told me. And so you were, I was very much growing, but I was [00:15:00] like growing as like an appendage to this person, not
**Amelia:** way to put it.
**Lindsay:** independently.
**Amelia:** So if someone is deciding they're done with the relationship they were in, they're trying to figure out how to choose someone going forward. What we're talking about is kind of things that you can see over time. Like you can detect these things within like the scope of the relationship.
**Amelia:** What about someone who's on their first date or even, I honestly, even some of my clients will tell me about their interactions on these dating sites and I can already call the red flags even on the dating sites.
**Lindsay:** Oh my God.
**Amelia:** are there
**Lindsay:** Lemme tell you, I happen to tell you this
**Lindsay:** little little story time with
**Lindsay:** Lindsay.
**Amelia:** Get
**Lindsay:** I gonna spill some tea. I was on a dating app when I, at one point, and I was on this app and I was scrolling through. I, and I connected with [00:16:00] somebody and they sent me a message and they're like. Pretty much right away.
**Lindsay:** Oh, you're so pretty. You're like, like all this stuff. I'd love to go on a date with you. Would you wanna go oh, it was the botanical gardens. And I was like, I can't figure out if that's like a good date or not a good date. Like for a first date. That's kind of weird. Like you kind of, you have to get a ticket and you have to be in there.
**Lindsay:** And then what? You're sort of stuck on this. I don't know. I, I was like not sure that I really liked the idea of where we were. I'm like, what about just coffee somewhere or you know, I had never been on a dating app before and I had very like not been dated. Dated I whatever, dating
**Lindsay:** for a very
**Lindsay:** long
**Amelia:** it as a, as an action
**Lindsay:** Long time. It's an action. I have not been dated in a long time and I'm scrolling through and I just remember feeling like the press, there was a lot, there was like pressure in the dm and then I'm scrolling through the photos. I went back and I [00:17:00] scrolled one more time, thank God, because I see at the last picture is a picture of this guy and two kids, and I was like, I know those two kids from somewhere.
**Lindsay:** How the hell do I know those kids? And I'm thinking like, okay, they're not, they're definitely not anybody that goes to like my kids' school, but I know these kids. And so I spend a little bit of time deep diving through my Facebook to see if I could match these kids. And it turns out that I match with a guy who is an acquaintance of mine, who's now a, a good friend who we used to go out for a sun, like a supper club together.
**Lindsay:** And she told me about her husband who had been caught with 195 hookers throughout
**Lindsay:** their marriage.
**Amelia:** garden. No, I'm just kidding.
**Lindsay:** Yeah, exactly. That's where he met me. I was like, that's where he found them all at like hundreds of hookers.
**Lindsay:** Throughout their marriage. And they had moved from like a very prominent place, [00:18:00] like in NorCal.
**Lindsay:** He moved the entire family down south and then bought them a house to basically dump her in and was like, yep, dumping you and the kids. And I'm moving on with my life. I'm like, of fucking course I'm going to match with the psychopath.
**Amelia:** Well, but but you slowed down and like, listen to your gut though.
**Lindsay:** I did,
**Amelia:** important here.
**Lindsay:** I did. I was
**Amelia:** the moral of your story.
**Lindsay:** moral of my story is that it was like, I definitely felt, and perhaps dating apps are pretty cool because you're not on you have that,
**Lindsay:** You know, wall, internet wall or whatever, where I could say, wow, like if this person was saying this to me in my face. I don't know that I'm healed enough or have the self-confidence enough to say no yet.
**Lindsay:** 'cause I was working on that word. I was always a yes girl and a sorry girl. So at least I could be like this doesn't, this, this feels fast. It [00:19:00] feels which it was. And then when I, responded, it turns out that I know your ex-wife. He goes, how would you like to proceed?
**Amelia:** How would you like to proceed? Wow.
**Lindsay:** That is, I'm like I'd delete.
**Amelia:** I would not like to
**Lindsay:** I would not at all. 'cause I even said, well, this is awkward. I know your ex-wife. Like basically in implying I know all of your dirty secrets.
**Amelia:** right.
**Lindsay:** nasty
**Amelia:** It's almost like he was trying to see if that was the end of the opportunity.
**Lindsay:** Oh yeah, he was. And I if are, okay, well, are you cool with what you know?
**Amelia:** Circle yes or no.
**Lindsay:** Yeah,
**Amelia:** you
**Amelia:** know what though? You something you said. Yeah, right? There's so many things. Look at the menu. But you, you, you said something actually, I think is a good thing that anyone listening might be able to put in their little toolbox though.
**Amelia:** this is something I encounter in therapy a lot, where people get this idea that they have to be good at everything and we don't have to be good at everything.
**Amelia:** None of us are good at everything. So sometimes people will be better at saying no, or [00:20:00] practicing no for the first time via text, or sometimes you're better at it over our dm or maybe you're better. Maybe you're killer at it in person. I wonder if part of this is. Going really slow in the stage where you do feel the most comfortable saying no,
**Amelia:** knowing that once you cross that like threshold into the next stage, it will feel harder for you to do that. So being more cautious during that first stage, before getting to that point where you're like, okay, now we've gone on a couple dates and does that, what do you think?
**Lindsay:** I agree with that their reveal, their mask slip happens sooner than I think we realize. And if we're paying attention and we are confident in ourselves, like the second, I'm pretty positive that had I met that person in public first and had not, you know, associated, knew who he was, I probably would've ended up on a couple dates with
**Amelia:** point.
**Lindsay:** Being charmed because I, you [00:21:00] know, I wouldn't know. It's not like he's gonna bring his kids on the first date, but I probably, at that point, it would've been harder for me to say be as like, dude, I know
**Lindsay:** what's up. Like I was behind that DM and a couple dates in. Perhaps I would've maybe even justified.
**Lindsay:** Well, you know, he told
**Lindsay:** he's, he's, actually, yeah. And I, it's me. I'm the person that's gonna fix him. That's, 'cause I, I will say, that's how I went into my last relationship is I see all your problems. I see your trauma. I understand. And I can be the one that's gonna love you. Right. And I am gonna be the one like, you're, we're gonna heal each other.
**Lindsay:** We're gonna, I'm gonna fix again. That's was I like, that's a big thing for me to even say I'm gonna fix your problems, but I'll be the person that you need to. Always show up as the man that you've charmed me, that you are, that you are, right? So I could have potentially been in a situation with this guy where again, I'm [00:22:00] eating it up.
**Lindsay:** I'm like, oh, well he's, I'm sure he would've taken me somewhere really nice. I'm sure he would've been charming. I'm sure he would've shown me the best part of him, and maybe it would've gone on for a couple dates. I don't know how I would've felt necessarily, but I did looking back. So to kind of answer that question, I think we do need to take a second and realize that our intuition and our bodies are really paying attention more than our mind is wanting to hear.
**Lindsay:** So when you meet that person and they do give you those butterflies, those are not a good thing. Butterflies are your nervous system telling you that something feels like you're not regulated and something feels a little bit dangerous. Now, if you're like me, I like a little danger. I like a little bad boy.
**Lindsay:** I always have, but. None of those boys ever did anything good for me, and I always alike in this. So I'm in a relationship that is very healthy. Now we're not rushing it. You know what? It didn't. But you know what he didn't give [00:23:00] me is butterflies. And then I was like, he is so this is, this is
**Lindsay:** boring. Why? I feel, I feel kind of like this might, my body feels bored, my body doesn't feel like it's like on a freaking rollercoaster
**Lindsay:** upside down. Yes. So I think safety, what might feel, if you've always been in a relationship with somebody who's toxic or pathological or not, or bad boy is going to feel boring. And you're gonna be maybe looking for something to spice it up. Or you're gonna maybe think, wow, they're they, they're safe. So find the person who's makes you feel safe.
**Lindsay:** Find the person. Who is asking you questions, who isn't just sharing how fabulous they are and how, you know? Amazing. I would even go to so much as like I got off the apps after that, I never went back on and then I met my, like my partner now like at a bar. And so I will say, I'd be curious to see what do their socials look [00:24:00] like?
**Lindsay:** How much are they like flexing their cars or their job or whatever, because that's, as we know, everything online is not reality. But I would almost be, I would almost be inclined to tell anybody listening that you need to take it extremely slow to the point where it's like, it feels boring and then maybe it's like some phone calls I, I don't know.
**Lindsay:** This sounds can we go back to the landline or go back
**Lindsay:** to really just meeting someone? 'cause every. Yeah, exactly. 'cause every time you meet in person you're, it's all exhilarating and you're excited and you know, unless you're at the point that you can really just own yourself and you're like, I'm here to have a good time, and whatever that looks like, I'm going for it.
**Lindsay:** Until you're at that stage, I think coming out of a relationship that was unhealthy, toxic, abusive, you really need to heal yourself and spend some [00:25:00] time with yourself and, and relearn the things that you were conditioned to think you like by your ex.
**Amelia:** And what is it?
**Lindsay:** 'cause you're gonna find sort of, I think you're gonna find a similar
**Amelia:** Yeah. You know, I really relate when I think about the period of time where I was dating before I met, 'cause I was in a long-term relationship. Through like college and then moving to North Carolina. And then there was like this period of time in between that and when I met my husband and I remember this one date I went on with a guy that it didn't work out obviously. I dropped my fork four times at dinner. I was so physically uncomfortable and bumbly, do you know what I
**Amelia:** mean? Like my nervous system wouldn't, and it was. Deeply embarrassing. 'cause it was at this like really fancy restaurant and something was just signaling to me. I think I, when I'm, I'm listening, I didn't know it at the time, but I feel like my body couldn't settle.
**Amelia:** And then I
**Amelia:** think about when I met my husband, who it was like, it was kind of one of those [00:26:00] friends and that whole thing. And then, you know, it wasn't like an out of the gate type of situation. I remember because I, I, I'm glad you brought up the word board, because I've had a lot of clients who struggle. With boredom. These are some of minor trauma situations. Some of them are A DHD because A DHD brains love dopamine and love like novelty. And but I
**Amelia:** think there's this sweet spot in the middle too that for anyone who's like, Ugh, I don't wanna just be bored. Where I didn't feel like the rollercoaster butterflies like you're talking about either when I met my husband, but I felt like a warmth.
**Lindsay:** Mm-hmm.
**Amelia:** like you're still feeling like a draw or an attraction to the person, but it doesn't have that like sickening feeling.
**Lindsay:** Well, it's true. The lovesick feeling, the like desperate feeling or you know, that that's what's gonna come. If you don't listen to those signs, you're going to get, be they're, because again, they're just gonna breadcrumb you. So then you'll be like [00:27:00] desperate for the next phone call or the desperate for the date that they're gonna cancel or they're not gonna show up or whatever they do.
**Lindsay:** But the person that has that, you know, that is boring and definitely my partner's not boring by any stretch of the imagination, but my body felt very
**Amelia:** Yes.
**Lindsay:** that's just sort of, I felt safe. I felt just, you know, like we held hands, we both talk about this, like we both held hands the first time.
**Lindsay:** Walking like this, like with her hands,
**Amelia:** like the, the, the church and steeple. thing. Yeah,
**Lindsay:** Yeah, the steeple together hands.
**Amelia:** Open the church and here's all the people.
**Lindsay:** So I'm like, I dunno what that's, so that's how we held hands. And we were like, wow, we hadn't done that. Like with somebody, you know, or it just, it felt comfortable, it felt safe. And then he is felt, just like my friend, it felt very like my companion, I'm gonna say this. Wow, I'm gonna piss off a lot of men here.
**Lindsay:** He felt like my
**Lindsay:** equal. He felt like somebody that was just, hey, we're we're both freaking rad people [00:28:00] just having this experience. He didn't, I, you know, it wasn't a superior, he don't, you know, he wasn't looking down on me. He wasn't this, it was like you know, he's like a emotionally intelligent like man, was a hype man, you know, could be excited for you as a woman.
**Lindsay:** And you know, I talk obviously about a lot of women's issues and women's rights and it wasn't like, oh God, here she goes again. He is yeah, full support, you know, and I, that to me is cool. And when you get to that point, I think too, even when you're meeting someone, if you have reached a point where, you know, I wasn't single for a years or anything, but I did a lot of soul searching in that time and I did a lot of just I'm very comfortable if I don't ever meet anybody
**Lindsay:** again. I'm very comfortable if if I, if I'm just in this space, I don't need someone to take care of me. I don't need somebody to save me. I'm gonna save my damn self. I will tell you this though, Amelia, I did [00:29:00] write down in a book, I manifested what my perfect
**Lindsay:** man would look
**Amelia:** thing.
**Lindsay:** Oh my God.
**Lindsay:** Okay.
**Amelia:** have put Rich, and I'm just kidding.
**Lindsay:** I shit, I love, I, I know I pro so, so much. I try to keep his like identity pretty tight, but so much so. That down to drives a truck, blue eyes and not American. And the list is I think 20 things long. And of those three he hit, he checked all 20 boxes. But like those very specific things. And when he like pulled up to pick me up from a date, like in the truck, I phoned my friend who saw, you know, we worked on the manifestation together.
**Lindsay:** And I was like, oh my fuck. He's he's in a truck. 'cause we had met him without I didn't know the car that he drove and I was like, oh, he is a girl, blue eyes. And he's not from America. I'm Canadian. Not no problem with Americans, but I just had this [00:30:00] specific thing I wanted an
**Amelia:** I put doesn't have a, I I put, keeps their car clean and doesn't tailgate on my list, so
**Lindsay:** oh, there you go.
**Amelia:** it could be anything It doesn't have to
**Lindsay:** anything you want. You should manifest. I think we are underestimating, and I kind of bring this up to say this, the manifestation works and it's real because you're putting something out into the world and we're, as we're all energy, and not to see 'em all woo woo, but as we're energy, we have to remember that when we're sitting on the other side of a table with somebody just like you, were all thumbs with your forks.
**Lindsay:** That's an energy vibing. Your energy and his energy are, communicating before we are realizing what's happening in my opinion. And that energy was feeling off. Just sort of like where you meet somebody and you're like, oh, I didn't like their energy. Oh, it felt off. Or that's we really need to sort of, not just sort of, but really pay attention to the way somebody makes us feel in that first moment.
**Lindsay:** Because I do think that that energy cycle is, you know, or your [00:31:00] better angels are trying to push you into another direction. So manifestation. Listening to your body, listening to the energy, listening, and then just feeling like if this isn't cool, if you don't feel good, I say this all the time, I'm trying to teach my daughters this.
**Lindsay:** Get up and
**Amelia:** Right. You don't even need to have
**Amelia:** an excuse, like, call me at five and tell me there's been an
**Amelia:** accident. Like you can just literally say Hey, I don't think this is this, isn't it? I great time, but.
**Lindsay:** Yeah. Can you page me
**Lindsay:** 9
**Amelia:** know, right? Run by the, run by the, the restaurant with the sign. You know what, the thing about manifesting too, like from a psychological standpoint to throw my little clinical nerd moment in on this is that when you get out of an abusive relationship or something unhealthy and you are fixating on what you don't wanna get yourself back into, we have to remember, you're still fixating on the negatives, right?
**Amelia:** You're still.
**Amelia:** You're still watching out for, I don't want a liar, I don't wanna cheat, or I don't want an abuser, I don't want someone who's [00:32:00] gonna devalue me. And then what that does is it just really closes your blinders around the things that you could see. You know, with my clients sometimes I talk about if you're on a bike going down a path and I say to you, ride straight.
**Amelia:** That person is there. They're straight. Keep going. That person that, that. Career that wish, that hope, that spiritual awakening, whatever, it's at the end of the path.
**Amelia:** Ride straight, but look to the right the whole time. Don't hit a tree. Look to the right, watch out for the trees, but ride straight, like you can't do it.
**Amelia:** So if we're constantly scanning and being hypervigilant for what we don't want, you really, those blinders are so strong. They keep you from. Seeing the things you do, and I think that's why what you were saying with manifesting is such a powerful exercise.
**Lindsay:** That's such a really great way that you describe it. 'cause I was like instantly stressed when you started talking. My armpit started sweating. But I, that [00:33:00] what's important too is why are we saying I don't want all this shit. Don't even think about that. Because that is also potentially coming in your life.
**Lindsay:** The more even just you thinking about it and not wanting it. But even further, let's say for me, I wanna be healthy. I want to have a growth mindset. I want to, so focusing on, you know, like attracts like, and we are, you know, putting it out there. And we're working on ourselves and we're saying, you know, these are all the qualities that I wanna have in myself, and then you're gonna attract the partner who matches that.
**Lindsay:** But I was like, again, finding my last, I would say multiple relationships prior. I was not in a good spot. I wasn't, I was like, I wasn't sure what I wanted. I wasn't sure who I was. I, I had a very clear path and it was very different from everybody else's. And I always grew up I was a little, I was like, I'm gonna [00:34:00] be in the film industry.
**Lindsay:** I'm gonna be a disc jockey, I'm gonna be, and everyone was like, what? That's so weird. And I, you know, anyway, so I was in this weird space where everybody just sort of had a clear path and so I was always feeling different than everybody. And then I didn't have a solid home life. So then I was that like different from every, and everybody should have been probably fostered and nourished by a healthy parent.
**Lindsay:** But it wasn't. So then I was like, I'm just so weird because I don't like the things everybody else likes. And I'm, I was always trying to just like, well, maybe I should be this way. Or maybe, and really what I was is fricking rad, batty that needed 40 years to figure it out what it is she needed to do.
**Lindsay:** But what I say to this is find you work on you. You don't need, we, we ain't got time for fixing other people. And the more we sit in our, own shit sometimes and like really decide that you don't want that anymore, you're going to grow in a way beyond your wildest imagination [00:35:00] that becomes, you become the person that somebody walks by and says, ho, I want to be with that person.
**Lindsay:** Look at their energy. I wanna be in that space. I wanna be in that room with them.
**Lindsay:** I wanna be powerful.
**Amelia:** I wanna be with them.
**Amelia:** M
**Lindsay:** Yes. Yeah. I mean, I don't know. Okay. I don't know if you have any Swifties listening, but I was like, I'm a swifty. And you see so
**Lindsay:** I,
**Amelia:** quote behind you? For anyone
**Lindsay:** oh, I, I have a quote on the back. It's a Swifty co quote that says, we are never getting back together, like ever.
**Lindsay:** And that is one of my favorite quotes ever. But I was watching this, New Heights podcast yesterday with one of my daughters, and I'm looking at these two, and I was so inspired. I'm like, look at these two. They are equal and they're relationship, you know, they, they're both hyping. He's the hype man.
**Lindsay:** She's the hype girl. It did, it seemed wow, this is somebody they've both gone through whatever they went through to get to where they are. But they, so then they just found [00:36:00] their, you know, their equal, not their freaking spirit animal or their, you know,
**Lindsay:** like soul, whatever.
**Amelia:** She's like a dove or
**Amelia:** a
**Amelia:** fawn.
**Lindsay:** Yeah, yeah, exactly.
**Lindsay:** So it's I was watching it going, damn. And I was looking at my daughters like, really happy that they were watching this or, and very happy that this is out there in the world because it seems to be, if you've got the most powerful woman in the world, when you listen to her, she's just I was a woman writing love songs about this kind of relationship that I was hoping that I would find.
**Lindsay:** She, it showed up for her after she, you know, put it out there, did the work or whatever on herself, and not, they don't seem, they don't wanna be
**Lindsay:** fixing each other. ' cause that's also exhausting.
**Lindsay:** Like, we've got enough. Thank you. Yeah. it's not worth it. And you know, I wanna say like, after you come out of an abusive relationship or a toxic relationship, you really do.[00:37:00]
**Lindsay:** Have so much in you and so much p like it's, it takes so much power and so much bravery to leave. I really want to just like high five, every person who has made the brave decision to leave and you have already done so much. So to sit there and be like, fuck, yes I am. Look what I've done, I'm so good and I'm going to sit here and make the decision that I've already done hard things.
**Lindsay:** So, you know, you can do hard things and just every decision moving forward, I almost wanna say remember how hard it was to get out of that? Be damn sure you don't put yourself right back into another one. So do that work, do that mind shift and then be the, you know, make the decisions. Now you get to make the decisions for yourself.
**Lindsay:** Now you get to do, you have, you know, you get to have all that autonomy back that you didn't have before. And I would be surprised if you would ever wanna give that freedom up again.
**Amelia:** You know, and it makes me think too, like let's say [00:38:00] hypothetically you meet someone, I'm actually thinking of a client of mine who has made the decision to leave their narcissistic, emotional, abusive partner and well spouse, and is now entering into a new relationship with someone they love. This person that they love, however, does still come with a lot of baggage. A lot of their own issues and she was concerned like, is this a red flag? That they have issues their own stuff. And so what I did with her that I would encourage anyone listening to do, and I'm curious your thoughts on this. I asked her, do you feel like this person, number one, is asking you to own their, their issue? Are they taking ownership over their in issue or their own issues? Are they taking care, doing things, getting the help they need, or are they asking you for that? That's number one. And number two, do you feel like you can continue, like rising to who you wanna [00:39:00] be? Despite their issues, do you feel like you need to get into a codependent tango to help them or do you feel like you can let them own that you own you and then you love each other, like kind of in this beautiful space in the middle?
**Amelia:** And I'll say the issues that I'm referencing are nothing that would be a danger or anything. You know, they're
**Amelia:** just, they're
**Lindsay:** Okay.
**Amelia:** they're just issues that a lot of humans have.
**Amelia:** So I'm curious your thoughts on that, because the way we've been talking about this is. Almost slightly talking about like people who have worked on their stuff or who have risen above or have grown, and sometimes you're gonna meet someone who still has some, some shit in the can.
**Lindsay:** Well, yeah, if, depending on, I mean, at our age, you're divorced or if you have kids, I mean, my God, if somebody doesn't have issues, I'd be
**Amelia:** yeah.
**Lindsay:** if they don't have some
**Lindsay:** some
**Lindsay:** baggage or, yeah, exactly. You're like, wait a minute, this, that's a red flag. If somebody's I have no problems
**Amelia:** I don't believe in mental health. [00:40:00] We're all fine.
**Lindsay:** yeah, exactly. We're all, everything's good here. Don't look behind the curtain. I would definitely think that that was a red flag. I think the fact that, I love that advice, by the way. That's really important, powerful piece of information that you're giving your client because. You're, she's not healed.
**Lindsay:** She's got some things. But I wanna say that as long as you're, if you see active work actively owning, you know, it's, remember if you were with a narcissist, they never took accountability. So the moment that you're with somebody that can take accountability for their life or their actions or something they did, even if they fucked up, even if they, you know, they said something they didn't mean to say, not you know, you know what I'm saying?
**Lindsay:** We're all human. We have these moments, right, where we're not our best selves. But it is a beautiful moment when somebody can take accountability. Hey, you know what? I did what I said not cool. I'm sorry. You know, true apology and true action and true change when you're in [00:41:00] that kind of relationship where then that, that's your moment of growth.
**Lindsay:** Like everything sort of needs to bend a little bit and heal and get stronger. That is a healthy person. And that person who has baggage who just says listen, this is what I come with, but I'm not expecting you to take it on and carry it and unpack your shit and leave it here and put all my shit in your bag.
**Lindsay:** And then, you know, walk, walk with it. It's I've got my bags, you've got your bags, and sometimes I might need you to help me with them, and sometimes I'm in, you know, I'm gonna, you're gonna need me to help you with them. But for the most part, you're both owning it. And I love being in a relationship where you can kind of call out somebody's moment of bullshit and it doesn't escalate.
**Lindsay:** They are not defending, they're not deflecting, they're not abusing you. And they're like, oh man, thanks. Sorry, I didn't realize like what I was doing and I'm gonna make that change. So I think we're all at [00:42:00] this stage in our life or at any stage in your life, you're, you're gonna come
**Lindsay:** with some marks and you know, some more wounds.
**Lindsay:** Hopefully we have a better story to tell. But it's how that person shows up for you and how they, are they always weighted down by their bags? Then, you know, we don't really kind of, we don't have time for that either. I don't, we're gonna be like dragging somebody in with
**Amelia:** Right,
**Lindsay:** us behind and saying, okay that's
**Amelia:** You have your, you have every right, everyone view me, everyone listening to decide I can handle those bags, but I can't handle those. Like it is
**Amelia:** not our responsibility to be okay with everyone's issues. And I think that's important, especially for like sensitive people, empaths. Anyone who's gone through
**Amelia:** any of these kind of relationships, like it doesn't, you don't, you don't earn a bigger like relationship badge or something If you're like, well, I can
**Amelia:** handle this much more stuff.
**Lindsay:** Oh, I'm so glad you're saying this [00:43:00] because I, that is what I realized that I was taking on for so long because I was a, I was, I'm a sensitive person. I grew up having to take care of one of my family members. I grew up having to take care of my younger brother. I was like a mom role really early.
**Lindsay:** And so everybody used to pride me on how much I could handle. Oh, you're take, you're handling this so well, you're, and I just assumed that that's like what you're meant to do your whole life. And I was very young being told that oh wow. And I'm realizing like, we don't need to be handling so much.
**Lindsay:** And if it's getting heavy and it's I gotta put it down. I mean, try walking with like bricks in your hand that's you can't just keep doing it forever. And then people being like, look at you. Great job. And you're like dying and you know,
**Amelia:** Clap for yourself. I can't. I have bricks in my hand.
**Lindsay:** look at you.
**Lindsay:** And then you finally cl over and you're like, they're all, oh, look at
**Lindsay:** [00:44:00] her. She can't handle it after all. But we just, we can't, we can't be taking care of everything. We can't be taking care of other people's shit, and we shouldn't be, because then we're like, we're enabling, we become this enabler into somebody.
**Lindsay:** We're then know, and I don't know, we don't have time. again, I, I wanna say this too, like we have time is our greatest currency. So if we're spending so much time so wrapped up in other people's problems and other people's shit and trying to fix them, that is your own red flag. I think you need to look at too to say, why am I so concerned with other people?
**Lindsay:** What am I afraid of looking inward? Why am I not working on myself? Because if I think I don't have anything to work on, then I'm also like smoking it.
**Lindsay:** So. was like, I think the absolute best cherry on top of the advice today, because there's so many other ways we could go with this conversation. I mean. And [00:45:00] looking at very blatant red flags, you know? But if people want to learn those and have them in their back pocket, I think you have some really awesome resources and some really cool things you're putting out, I think you called it the ary right.
**Amelia:** Where, you know, where do you think if people are, are loving what they're hearing today, but they're like, you know what, I really wanna know like A, B, C, D, and E. These are the things I want to make sure are on my radar. My two questions to end today, what would be
**Amelia:** like the top three things you want them to keep at the very tip top of the radar, and then where can they learn about all the other ones at?
**Amelia:** Like some of the stuff you offer?
**Lindsay:** Okay. So I would definitely say that outside of words that I use in my visionary. I would say the first, the first thing is know your feelings. When you, when something feels off, it is trust your instinct. Go back to trusting your gut. You have been given this resource by nature, and we really [00:46:00] need to start, women, especially, we're intuitive tuning in to ourselves and realizing that person, it feels off,
**Lindsay:** listen, the first time you don't, 8 billion people in this world, people, you don't need to be worrying about that one person.
**Lindsay:** And then I would say when someone shows you who they are the first time, believe them.
**Amelia:** Oh, I like that.
**Lindsay:** Especially when it's they say something, say some bad words, they say some nasty things or you know, they're just, they're words and you know, and just remember their words need to match their actions. So really paying attention to what somebody's saying.
**Lindsay:** And I, I think that, again, going back to our intuition, really paying attention to. What people, if there's if they're
**Lindsay:** incongruent to the things that they say and the things that they do,
**Amelia:** Pay attention to
**Amelia:** that.
**Lindsay:** away. Pay. Yeah, pay
**Lindsay:** attention for gaslighting, to be honest.
**Lindsay:** oh,
**Lindsay:** really? if you think about Gaslight will kind of dribble in minor gaslighting tactics in the beginning to see what they can get away with. [00:47:00] And so they're gonna do
**Amelia:** little things to confuse you, to just kind of throw you off and then watch how you react. And if you don't react well, if you call them out, if you don't believe them, if you stand your ground, if you emotionally individuate. They will be less likely, honestly, to be interested in you because they know they're not gonna get away with it.
**Lindsay:** Oh, that's so fascinating. 'cause that brings me to my third, it's, it's boundaries. Really just try flexing a boundary on someone and seeing how
**Lindsay:** they respond. If. You know, and your boundaries, by the way, can change
**Lindsay:** at any point. That's what we have, this autonomy. We can just say, you know what know I said I wanted it this way, but this is what I want now.
**Lindsay:** So try to flex a boundary on a person and if they are like, cool, I respect you. Awesome. And I wanna say that the boundary in the beginning when we're talking about these like first dates, it's as simple as like, Hey, I'll call you later. Don't call me. I'll call you. Kind of if they're like ringing up your phone, if they're blowing up your [00:48:00] dms, like they have just pressed your boundary.
**Lindsay:** And those are those subtle things. So try flexing a boundary and seeing how they respond. And a fourth little one is to all our younger baddies out there. And you know, navigating this world is you have to really pick your partner. It's so important, the person that you choose to have children with and marry with.
**Lindsay:** You know, that stays with you. It's a big decision. And I know this sounds dumb, but it's, it's more important than I think we ever realize is that, you know, picking your partner even, you know, pick the person that you could could I divorce this person? Would a divorce with this person be fun? The answers
**Lindsay:** will they be cool?
**Amelia:** should be a
**Lindsay:** walk away.
**Amelia:** sort of prenup of this is how you will behave if we get divorced.
**Lindsay:** Well, I'm telling you this conversation came up with my partner. I was like, before I get married again, I wanna get divorced first. I really want to like, let's have the divorce. Let's figure out what that would look like, and then we can move on
**Amelia:** Interesting.
**Lindsay:** was like, that
**Lindsay:** sounds [00:49:00] cool. Like,
**Amelia:** the cake before we bake it.
**Lindsay:** yeah, exactly.
**Lindsay:** So I think it's so important. And say no, say no, say no, say no, say no, say no. Practicing saying no. Just being like, I know it's hard to say it. Just be like, Nope, no, I'm hard. No, I'm not here from doing that. Walk away. No, is your, is your best friend, especially if you've been in a toxic or abusive relationship.
**Lindsay:** You have said yes and sorry way
**Lindsay:** too many times, and you need to start conditioning yourself to
**Amelia:** Right,
**Lindsay:** and without, no, but I'm sorry. You don't have
**Amelia:** right. Yeah. I'm glad you said the first date because I think people think you're supposed to wear your first date mask when in actuality. I mean, that was, I remember on my first date with my husband saying, obviously he wasn't my husband at the time, saying, Hey, by the way, I'd really love to go out with my girlfriends, and I'm not someone who's gonna ask your permission to do that.
**Amelia:** So if that bothers you, I'm probably not a good person for you to date.
**Lindsay:** that
**Lindsay:** is
**Lindsay:** awesome.
**Amelia:** first date, I said that because I, I, I,
**Amelia:** [00:50:00] I kind of had this sense. My gut was telling me this might be my person, but I was a little worried that. I don't know. I've never gone to that point where I'm like, this is my person, so I gotta make sure, are you gonna like interfere with me being my person?
**Lindsay:** right. What's important to you? What are your what? You know, what do you value if you share your values with somebody and like you don't almost match completely,
**Lindsay:** it's not worth it. It's like you're not gonna, why do you wanna fundamentally change yourself or change someone else? The value system is important, and it doesn't have to be it, you know, it should be
**Amelia:** right.
**Lindsay:** but just even basic ones.
**Lindsay:** I like being with my friends. Are you cool with that? Because that's not changing. And then they can't be surprised later. That's the worst part with a narcissist or pathological person. They like knew you liked to do this, and then when you do it, they're like, oh, what? You don't wanna be with me? I'm not good enough.
**Lindsay:** You just have to be through friends all the time. Well, yeah, we already talked
**Lindsay:** about this. So
**Amelia:** The irony.
**Amelia:** too is that if the person gives you the permission to be who you are, like, I know I could go out anytime I want with my [00:51:00] girlfriends. I don't need to ask permission. It makes me, it sounds weird. It makes me feel like I need to do it less. It's almost okay, well I know I
**Amelia:** can, so I'm like, whenever I wanna, I will.
**Amelia:** But I'm like, oh no, it's been a couple months. When when am I, when am I gonna make that happen?
**Lindsay:** Well, that's like all the kids who had curfews that were like sneaking out. You know, you're like, but the kids, you know, you're like, well, I don't really
**Lindsay:** make, I don't, nobody's telling me to be home at a certain time. I guess it's time to go home.
**Amelia:** Yeah.
**Lindsay:** its not you. You
**Lindsay:** really, I love that analogy. That's
**Lindsay:** really
**Lindsay:** important.
**Amelia:** be you.
**Lindsay:** Um,
**Amelia:** Mm-hmm.
**Lindsay:** let be you be yourself because everybody else is already taken. It's let's go back to like what we teach our
**Lindsay:** kindergartners. You know, our
**Lindsay:** hands are not for
**Lindsay:** hitting.
**Amelia:** applesauce.
**Lindsay:** Yeah, exactly.
**Lindsay:** All those things. Like maybe we just need to go back to basics. When we're, you know, coming out in the world and, and just but be so in love with yourself that you don't
**Lindsay:** need anybody like that.
**Lindsay:** Nobody needs to
**Lindsay:** [00:52:00] complete you. They need to
**Amelia:** Mm-hmm.
**Lindsay:** you, not complete
**Amelia:** Love it. So Lindsay, part of our, part of our booboo clan,
**Lindsay:** yes. See, I kind of digging it. I like the boo 'cause like The boo crew or like, you know,
**Amelia:** gotta think on this, but isn't boo kind of also like, the name for girlfriend in like
**Lindsay:** I mean I think that like the names of everything has changed. I don't think, you know, I have half, I have young I,
**Amelia:** Yeah.
**Lindsay:** and I'm like, what did you just
**Amelia:** Right. Well, for any of you listening who doesn't know what we're talking about, I'm trying to think of an affectionate name for you all, and I just, so hit me up and let me know
**Amelia:** what you wanna be called.
**Lindsay:** Drop it in the comments because she will go and she'll get you
**Lindsay:** merch, she'll get you all
**Lindsay:** the
**Lindsay:** things to be part of her, her boo crew, if that's the one you want. So if you haven't listened to, bitch is a bad word. I call our listeners our besties, our bestie [00:53:00] gang. So you know, but it came organically.
**Lindsay:** So you also have, we're trying, yeah. Your listeners will know. They're gonna drop you a whole bunch of comments about what they
**Amelia:** Yes, we will. We will find, we will
**Amelia:** find that name together. But where can they
**Amelia:** find out about your podcast, especially if they didn't listen to your episode two weeks ago? Which if you haven't, go back and check out the part one of this conversation for sure. But Lindsay, where, where should they keep up with you?
**Lindsay:** Well, you can find me on Instagram at Bitch is a Bad Word Pod. We're on TikTok and YouTube, which is at Bitch is a bad Word. All the platforms, apple, Spotify, anywhere you listen to your podcast, bitch is a bad word, is our show. And I love to say this, we have a phone number, three three one bitches. If you wanna send me a DM or a phone call or just leave us a voicemail, I answer all them myself.
**Lindsay:** And, but just, if you're going through something and you just wanna drop [00:54:00] it in there and know that we're gonna listen, I, I love anything like send me your textes from your exes, your unhinged messages. I'll read them on my show and yeah, like my personal Instagram, I don't is Lindsay. I'm Lindsay Abernathy.
**Lindsay:** I never, I don't think I ever say that first and last name because I'm going through an identity crisis of like maiden name and married name. And so I'm trying to figure
**Lindsay:** that out because I'm always
**Amelia:** do I dare ask what Abernathy is
**Lindsay:** So Abernathy was a married name, and then my, but it was also my like sag name.
**Lindsay:** That's
**Lindsay:** once you register with Sag, that's the name. And then it's like really hard to get rid of it. And then just online, that's how people are. So it's that's just the name that's already
**Lindsay:** always stuck. But then I have, it's interesting, found myself in this.
**Lindsay:** Like I was saying to the other day, someone said, my, my maiden name is Chisholm, and someone said it and I was like, well, who is
**Lindsay:** that? And I'm like, shit, I have to do some [00:55:00] work on like my own self-identity. I don't even know what the hell my name is or what feels good or, you know. And then it got well, why are we taking our, their last names?
**Lindsay:** Why do we strip ourselves of all of our identity? I kind of went down that rabbit hole. But those are questions to ask
**Amelia:** Yeah.
**Lindsay:** Maybe ask somebody on a first date, if we got married and I didn't take your last name, how would you feel
**Amelia:** If we got married and I pulled a Phoebe and and, and
**Amelia:** Mike and called myself, princess Consuela, banana Hanock, would you be okay with that?
**Lindsay:** would you be Maybe wait for the second date
**Lindsay:** 'cause they might not wanna stay,
**Amelia:** Well, Lindsay.
**Lindsay:** yeah, reach out to us. We've got really cool stuff. We just have officially today, what is the 14th of August. So whenever you listen to it, we have partnered with the national Domestic Violence Hotline, the hotline.org.
**Lindsay:** Woo. And they're sponsoring some of our episodes that are coming out and very cool. Very, and they've, they picked the the guest for us. And so these women that are coming on are, they just know [00:56:00] so much information and really just really cool. So reach out and yeah, look out for our visionary. Dropping
**Amelia:** Well, thank you for coming again and for everyone listening, especially if you listen to the full series in this little setup of exploring what it's like where Blaine is, what do we need to get
**Amelia:** out, what do we call it? How do we know if we're in it? We're here for you. So just reach out if you need anything and be well everyone. Okay,
**Lindsay:** Bye besties.
**Amelia:** bye Booboos.