Jeanne shares why she does not believe in Balance, and how the concept of Balance has negatively impacted her the past.
Jeanne talks about Balance and how our attempts at achieving home/life balance often ends up stressing us out even more. She talks about her own experiences with this and shares her personal journey with what she calls "the myth" of balance. She shares what works for her and how she prefers to see life through the unavoidable ebbs and flows that we all experience. In the end, life will always happen, and balance may not always be a part of that picture. She takes us through the journey of life's phases, calling upon examples from her own life, and shares why she thinks it works better for her to just hop on to life's rollercoaster.
If you like this episode, please consider sharing it or following the podcast on your audio streaming service.
Remember to follow us on Instagram, Facebook and now TikTok.
You can subscribe to our FIGGI newsletter to receive notifications of new Podcast episode releases and and new blog posts.
Shop FIGGI Beauty Skincare Now!
The Myth of Balance
[00:00:01.290] - Jeanne
So today I'm talking about something I touched upon in the Birth of Figgi episode here on My FIGGI Life podcast. And that is the myth of balance and why I think it is BS. So I'm going to talk about my reasons for thinking there is no such thing as balance and why I stopped chasing this myth a long time ago. Stay tuned.
[00:00:32.140] - Intro
Welcome, goddess, to your sacred space. This is My FIGGI Life podcast where we openly discuss life's wins and losses on our journeys to self discovery. This is your best life. This is your FIGGI life. And now here's your host, Jeanne.
[00:00:54.110] - Jeanne
So here we are again with another My FIGGI Life episode. Again, if you're enjoying these conversations, please consider following and subscribing to the My FIGGI Life Podcast or go to figgilife.com and subscribe to our newsletter. So you know when all the latest podcast episodes are released, the latest blog posts come out, and everything else you need to know about the FIGGI community.
[00:01:18.490] - Breaker
You're listening to the My FIGGI Life podcast.
[00:01:21.790] - Jeanne
Okay, so let's get into it. I have to say from the get go that this is a difficult conversation to have because there are certain things in life that people follow or react to or believe in, like a religion. And to try and counteract that and say something that is the opposite of that belief is too many times, shoot yourself in the foot. But I'm going to take that chance in any way today and I'm going to talk a little bit about balance. I've heard so much about balance. I've read so much about balance. I really do enjoy certain self-help mediums and self-improvement mediums because I think there are such amazing and great spiritual and life leaders out there that have beautiful messages to send and a beautiful way of communicating them to us, an effective way and an efficient way of communicating them to us. However, I do feel that for me, at least, I have reached a point, or actually I reached a point a while ago where all of this information became super overwhelming to me because I am always so disciplined and committed to something that I choose to do or to pursue.
[00:02:47.660] - Jeanne
I tend to be super critical of myself and I tend to be pretty harsh on myself. So if I'm not doing something perfectly or as I perceive it to be right, I tend to judge myself for that. And I get super demotivated because I think, oh my gosh, I really tried this, but why isn't it working that well for me? Why am I not doing as well? And this is what happens with a lot of self help advice. Because to me, it feels like there are these beautiful, beautiful, mythical people who've cracked this secret code to life and they know every myth, every secret, every flaw, every opportunity, every guideline that you need to be able to live your best life and not only have they cracked it and they know it, they live it. And, yeah, they may have had experiences in the past that they built on and that brought them to this place where they may have suffered, and they may not have been in a great space, and they struggled, but now they're perfect, and there's this perfect way of living. And if you follow these 12345 steps, you can be that too.
[00:04:03.720] - Jeanne
You can also be that perfect. You can also be that balanced. You can also be that. Okay, but the thing is, though, I don't know about you, but my life kind of keeps happening. And unless you know something I don't, my life does not have a roadmap. Some things just come at me out of nowhere and derail me, derail my thoughts, derail my plans, confuse me, threaten me, bring me joy. It's something that you cannot plan. So I may go through stages where I feel amazing, or I may be in a place where my core and the foundation of who I am and where I am feels good to me, and it's leading from a strong place. But I have yet to discover the space where I am living in this perpetual dream of always being positive, and everything always just working out for me. You know, like, there, like, the flick of a finger. It's just for me, it doesn't exist because life always happens. And that started getting me down. How can these people always be in this perfect space when life always happens? I mean, does their life not happen? Are they perhaps living in this secret kind of vacuum where there is no stress, there is no heartache, there is no joy?
[00:05:49.620] - Jeanne
It's just so impossible for me, and I used to get so demotivated about it, because you're trying to improve yourself. You're trying to grow as a human being and as a mom and a wife and a friend and as an individual and as a spiritual being, and you do well. You follow this advice, and you do well. But inevitably, you don't. Inevitably, you don't do well. You make mistakes, and you're supposed to be always positive. And then you have that day where not only are you not positive, you don't want to be positive. Everything sucks. You want to say it sucks. You want to feel it sucks, and you just are not in love with life at that moment. But then I used to feel so bad about it because then I would think, oh, my gosh, this was exactly what I was reading about. Don't do that. You have to your positive thoughts have to be powerful. Think about the positive things. Everything that follows I am comes true sometimes. Oh, my gosh. Sometimes I just need to be human. And this is where the mess of balance came in for me. You know, the tricky thing about balance is how much time and energy and mental energy we invest in chasing balance.
[00:07:16.840] - Jeanne
We invest so much time in that that we create so much stress for ourselves in trying to chase this perfect ideal of having balance. And you may think the conversation has changed but in my opinion it hasn't. We may say it differently, but it all comes down to the same thing, which is chasing balance. We may have conversations these days that say, oh, as a woman you can have it all, but just not at the same time. And having a healthy life, healthy spiritual life, a healthy mind, a healthy body, everything needs to be in balance. You need to have a balanced diet. You need to have a balanced life. We're forever chasing this. We're chasing it to such a degree that we've become anxious about it. That's how it feels to me. And it's impossible. Balance is impossible because we will always go through different life stages. Life always happens. It's inevitable. Nothing can stop that. I can't stop that. You can't stop that. We can't even make it stop for our kids. It's just the way it is. And as long as the stages and the seasons of life keep flowing, as long as that wheel keeps turning, balance will remain a mess.
[00:08:42.710] - Jeanne
A super big example of seeking balance is trying to find balance in your work and family life, especially as a female entrepreneur or professional, where you're trying to juggle the soccer game, date night, dinner, the family schedule, loving your kids, spending time with your kids, planning vacations, relaxing on vacation because yes, that's also on the to do list. So we need to have this perfect balance, right? Because if we don't, then we can't have it all. But then we started saying, oh no, it's okay, it's okay. We can still have balance as long as we understand that we can have it all, just not at the same time. Here's the thing though. Nothing is ever going to be at the same time because life continues to flow. There will always be times in my life where I have more pressure at work than I did last week or last month. There will always be times in my life with my anxiety disorder where I may have relapses or where I feel I'm in a better or worse place than I was a month ago. There will always be times in my life where I have more time to spend with my daughter or less time to spend with my daughter.
[00:09:55.760] - Jeanne
There will always be times in my life where I feel more romantically inclined towards my husband and less always. There will be times where I have more time to spend with him and less time to spend with him where I agree more with some of his fundamental opinions than I do at other times. There will always be a give and take in life and it's this roller coaster of giving and taking, the ups and the downs that we just have to strap in for get on the roller coaster, strap in your safety belts and just enjoy the ride. Because if you're trying to stop a roller coaster at the point where it's going down or if you're trying to get out at that moment, it's not going to end well for you. But yet we continue to do it. I did it for such a long time because we think we can control things. I do. Not only did I think I can control it, I had to. I had to control it because control is all I have to keep my sanity. And when you're struggling with an anxiety disorder, control becomes an even bigger monster in the closet because it's the biggest lie that you believe, the most convincingly, the quickest, that if you're in control of things, all your stress will be less.
[00:11:18.300] - Jeanne
And we don't have control. Just like we don't have control over life elements and events. We don't have control of balance. Life balances itself. The journey that we are on, the path that we walk wherever we may find ourselves in that moment balances itself out. Think about this for a minute. And I really did think about this, and I wrote quite extensively about it in my journal. Has there ever been a time in your life where it's just persistently and incessantly being bad? Now remember, as human beings, it's natural for us to say, yes, of course there was. Of course there was this time where I lost my job and I had a super big mortgage to repay and somebody close to me passed away and all of these things just happened at once. That may be true and that's horrifying and I'm so sorry for anybody to go through something like that. But are you still there? And if you look back at that. Wasn't there even one moment. One hug from your little girl. One supportive gesture from your better half that made you feel better. Even if it was for a split second.
[00:12:43.160] - Jeanne
One moment of community between you and your family. Recognizing and knowing that you're all going through this together. One friend or even a stranger that reached out to you in your time of need by doing something seemingly menial that made a big impact on your life. Like being in this really horrible space of your life and something silly like stopping at the gas station and you're $0.20 short and somebody that doesn't even know you just gives it to you and just solves the issue of you having to walk to an ATM and dealing with all of that admin. This is just an example, but just think of that. Has there ever not been an ebb and an inevitable flow to your life? Surely, yes, I agree. I can recognize spaces and moments and phases in my life where I can definitely understand and acknowledge that I didn't do my best to make sure I was in a healthier space either. By not listening to the cues my body was sending me to over, committing myself to work when I shouldn't have to, overexerting my body when I should have rested, any one of these things.
[00:14:00.480] - Jeanne
We all have times where we can recognize this and it is our duty not only to ourselves, but to the loved ones around us with whom we share space and energy to be aware of ourselves and our emotions and where we are at that moment. And if we're taking good care of ourselves so that we can take good care of others and not only be in a good space for ourselves, but be in a good space for others, we all need to recognize those moments and we all need to work on them. By investing all of this energy, you could have invested in listening to the cues of your body, listening to your loved ones, being in the moment with them, using all of that energy in this never ending pursuit of balance. Gosh, I had to ask myself, what was I trying to prove? Because for me, chasing balance was fighting against the brick wall. Life has already decided where it's going to be and when. Your path is already there. Of course we can make conscious decisions and choices and we should bear the consequences of those. But you are not in control.
[00:15:11.810] - Jeanne
You're not in control of when this beautiful life comes to an end. You're not in control of your future and of what may or may not happen. There are many, many things that are just not in our control. Instead, I tricked myself into thinking the things that I was in control over, like my schedule and my calendar, how I choose to raise my child, the kind of marriage I choose to have. Those all for me said to me oh well, if I can have control over these small things, I can control everything else as well. Even saying it now. It's so much pressure to put on myself to do that and why I'm trying to change something that is unchangeable and inevitable.
[00:15:57.190] - Breaker
Prefer to spend my time reading? Subscribe to the FIGGI blog and receive our posts directly in your inbox. Go to www.figgilife.com and subscribe now.
[00:16:15.040] - Jeanne
So instead of chasing this need for balance, I decided to embrace the fact that I will always be in a different space than I was a week ago, a month ago, a year ago, and it will always continuously change. So the best thing I can do is be the best version of myself for me and my loved ones in that moment, in that ebb, in that flow. If I'm at the part where the roller coaster is at the very top and it's those 2 seconds before I fall into oblivion, I need to be the best I can be in that space if I'm already at the section where I'm hurtling through the depths at 200. Best I can do is see what is the best version of me in that moment. Knowing that there will inevitably be a time where the roller coaster slows down again so it can pick up speed and momentum to start this entire journey all over again. Everything that comes up must come down. Every ebb has a flow, every ying has a yang. So if I'm going through a period at work where I'm under a lot more pressure than usual, I accept and I have an open communication and discussion with my family.
[00:17:37.960] - Jeanne
This is where I'm at at the moment. It doesn't mean we love each other less. It means I am going to be working a little bit later. It means I'm going to be putting in a little bit more. But I also make this commitment to me and to us that this is not something that is permanent. There is a plan that I'm following. I'm going to have to work maybe four nights to catch up and then I will have a super stressful time for the next two weeks and then I will be more of an equilibrium and then it's my turn again to do the bus pickup and the morning breakfast and the hugs and cuddles and the story time. Just as I very oh gosh, I did this so badly. But as I had to realize the same ibn flow will come in my career. Sometimes I will not be as busy and I won't have as much work and it would be my husband's time to shine and create space for us and have amazing opportunities coming his way. But I then have the space to be more in the zone and in the moment with my little girl, to pay more attention to my mental wellbeing and my physical wellbeing and my spiritual wellbeing and to rearm and re-energize myself for yes, the inevitable ebb and flow.
[00:19:01.330] - Jeanne
When things will become busier again, when they will become more stressed again. And then I filled my cup. I filled my cup in terms of my love for my little one, the time I've spent with her, the joy that brought to me. And when the next phase of ebb and flow comes, I fill my cup again at work with new relationships and new ideas I bring to life and new crisis that I solve and new opportunities for my family. Chasing balance is something that brought me a lot of pain and a lot of heartache and frustration and anger and demotivation. Accepting that life happens and I need to strap in and do the best I can in that moment has brought me a lot of peace. But I recognize and acknowledge that I do not do this perfectly. This is not something that comes naturally to me. I need control. I have to have control. I always every single time the next cycle of ebb and flow happens, I have to remind myself again, you are not in control. Get in the seat, strap yourself in, prepare for the ride. And this is what I'm trying to say on the My FIGGI Life podcast, I know so many of you feel the same way.
[00:20:17.710] - Jeanne
I know you feel the way I feel. And for me to sit here and tell you about how you should see balance do this and that and you'll be perfect and oh, realize this secret to life and everything will be fine is such a load of nonsense because nobody has the secret to life. We can only share, as I hope I'm sharing what has worked for me. And be honest enough to say that it doesn't always work for me. This is what I'm trying to do, this is what I'm trying to achieve. This is what I have recognized I should try to do. But maybe that's not something that works for you. Maybe that's not the way you see it or your mind interprets it. But for me, balance was a great downfall to many things and it precipitated a lot of my panic and anxiety. So do you want to join me on living a more ebb and flow life? Embracing the highs when they're high and just loving your way through the lows when they're low. And just trying your best every single time this phase comes along. To do your best in that given moment and to not put so much pressure on myself to be what society tells me to be and to chase this idea of balance and just to be where I am at that moment.
[00:21:41.730] - Jeanne
In that moment. Let me know if this is something you can try. Maybe you fundamentally disagree with me. Go to My FIGGI Life podcast and subscribe and follow the podcast. If you like the conversations, please consider liking it as it really, really helps us. And send me a message on FIGGIlife.com so I can connect with you and I can see how you experience balance in life. What are your thoughts? What are your comments on this episode? I'd love to hear them. Thank you, Goddess, for your time. Remember, everyone deserves to celebrate the Goddess within. This is your best life. Live your FIGGI life. Until next time.